I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
