I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
