I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
