Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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