I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
