Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
