This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Randomize
