i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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