My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
