Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
