I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
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