I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
