Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
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