I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
