She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
