bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
