We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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