pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
