Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize