Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize