it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
