.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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