I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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