She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
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