think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
It's blow job season.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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