Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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