he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
i just had sex bonerless
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
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