I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
