All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
Randomize
