drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
