Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Randomize
