Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
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