I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
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