Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
