dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
