Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
