The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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