4 words: hood of his car
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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