hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
