Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
