can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
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