So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
