I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Randomize
