Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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