Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
