remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
