Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
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