hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Randomize
