he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
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