Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
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