Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
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