she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
