omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
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