Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
