We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Randomize
