Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
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