Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
