Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
