I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
