We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I deserve to be covered in dicks
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Pooping to opera.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
