i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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