What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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