I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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