Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Randomize
