i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
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