They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
