So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
