Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
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