And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
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