Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
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