Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Randomize
