She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
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