so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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