I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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