would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
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