I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize