My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
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