you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Couch. On fire.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Randomize
