She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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