just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Randomize